sinnamon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the aftermath Aftermath. The strangest part of a relationship; the true forever. All the whispered words and promises boil down to aftermath eventually. I am not just being cynical. Do I think there are relationships that never near aftermath? Yes I do, definitely. But most relationships end. It�s more than statistical, it�s true.
Awkward and aftermath are symbiotic. Two years of my longest relationship now chipped down to infrequent AIMs consisting of unhealthy reminiscing. Somehow I always end up feeling like shit after the formalities have evaporated into memories accompanied by bitterness. As the dumpee don�t I get some sort of exemption from the guilt of the failed relationship? Nope, the dumper is always reminding, always remembering, always giving rebirth to the awkwardness. He is bitter and I feel guilty. Somehow our roles were mixed up. Do I wish some sort of friendship could be salvaged out of the relationship? Maybe. Maybe..not. I still feel quite uncomfortable with it. Three years, three years and it�s still a sore spot sometimes. Mainly when I listen to this song. So which is better? Never communicating? Somehow that seems worse than enduring his bitterness. Weirder to not ever speak to him again. Or at least, weirder that to not have the OPTION of speaking to him ever again. As time goes on, the gaps between talks widen, so it is not as though a choice were given to me. It will fade by the forces of my own passiveness. Aftermath. Adam, not so difficult. Not difficult at all. When we talk, I feel like the relationship never happened. I forget that we were an "us" once. We have always just been friends, miles away from each other. Never met. Never held hands or kissed. Erased easily. Why so comfortable with him when our breakup was so awful? I don�t have an explanation for it. It�s just easy with him. No guilt, no shit, nothing sore. Not even when I listen to our song. Well, sometimes I feel silly about the mess we made. I was just chatting with mychai and he inspired all sorts of thoughts in me. We spoke about Mandy, the weirdness of relationships past. The inability to open communication with an estranged ex without making yourself look pathetic and clingy. I can identify, of course, I can identify. It is unhealthy, it is awkward, it is weird. But it happens. You talk to them. Probably against your better judgment. All part of aftermath. 11:27 PM - 041402 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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