sinnamon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- he has a pee-pee! I needed a break from writing and then suddenly a new term started and I was facing papers and other nasty things. So I might as well fully break the no-typing zone by actually trying to update this diary. My buddy list says I updated 50 days ago. Doesn�t seem like that long. Thesis over about a month ago. Very pleased with the results. I am rightfully unmotivated to do anything this term. At this point I am just sick, sick, sick of school, classrooms, other students, and professors. Graduation is ahead. It seems like a boring, uncomfortable afternoon of sitting in the hot sun. But I suppose I have to go since my grandmother is flying up. Of course there is this anxiety about the future, a sense of deprivation because there is nothing concrete at the moment. Obviously, medical school is somewhere ahead, applications for Fall 2005 will be sent, but for the year between now and then, I am still unsure. I could apply for a one-year masters degree at the same university I attend right now. Clinical administration, not a bad thing to have a degree in. Yet the thought of more class right now is so sickening. This career I have chosen is like a relationship. I know that the future is all hard-work, dedication, devotion, like being shackled. Once it begins there isn�t a chance for fresh air or travel or real relaxation for years. I don�t want to dive in right away. And of course I am just arrogantly assuming that I will get in. But I have to think that way, doubts about that will just further confuse. I feel too young to be tied down by this career marriage. State of limbo right now. Indecisive and avoiding confrontation with choices. I am a wuss. I admit it. But I know that I will figure it all out. This growing up shit sucks. The other day I was lying in bed right after the alarm had gone off. I looked over at Bill who had just flopped back down on the bed. He had thrown the blankets off and was lying there exposed. I looked at him and thought to myself. Wow, I am an adult. I am a grown-up. I live with a boy. And he has a pee-pee. 6:22 PM - 042104 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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