sinnamon's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- more on cheaters Before I get into anything, I just want to say that Bill and I are fine. We haven�t cheated on each other. I was asking for opinions because a couple of days ago an ex told me that cheating was completely unforgivable, that no couple could move past it and that it was the ultimate betrayal. My immediate thought was �wow, and I thought I was the melodramatic one.� Because frankly it did seem a little soap opera speechish. Especially coming from this particular person. About six years ago (yes, six fucking years ago) I did cheat on this guy. (Yes, sex for those interested in the details). He chose to try and get over it. We tried to move past it, it seemed like we did. We were together almost 2 years after that incident and we were happy for most of it. Now he is telling me that it always ate away at him, though he never let on. I am completely aware of how wrong it was. I know it was fucked up. All I can say is that it�s not that black and white. It�s not simply that I was horny and this other cock came along, it�s not that I cared about this other guy at all. I don�t have any excuses that justify. I am not even sure I should try to tell the story because it will just make me seem petty for trying to give some kind of an explanation. Not that any explanation is good enough, but like I said it�s not just that I was horny and he was there. It was like I was hurting and he knew the right things to say. It was stupid and incredibly painful. And I was sorry and I would never, ever, have cheated on him again. And I didn�t. I was faithful and I loved him way, way, WAY too much. Frankly, I think I have been punished enough for what happened. Between me and this ex, I would have to say that we are pretty fucking even. He�s still angry over it and throws it in my face every now and then. I think he has forgotten a lot about the circumstances. And even though he believes that�s the real reason why we fell apart. It isn�t. At least, it�s not the only reason. I really appreciate the response though. I remember once, in high school, my English teacher asked us to choose which was worse: mass conformity, lying to incriminate someone, or adultery (I think there were some other choices, but I have long since forgotten). We were studying The Crucible at the time. Almost everyone chose adultery as being the worst. Later she told us, most people our age picked adultery as the worst, but as people got older that stopped being the pick for number 1. I guess in the context of The Crucible, adultery seems pretty minor. If it were me, because I have been the cheater before, I think I would have to try and forgive. Depending on the circumstances of course. But I�ve been on the other side, and like Red said, it�s hard being on either side of the cheating. I guess it also depends on how much importance you place on sex. Just the physical act. Plenty of people have open relationships, still stay together and love each other. I guess they are just stronger than the rest of us. 3:09 AM - 070503 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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